As I begin to see situations in my own family I being to wonder if normal is a contrived state that psychologists have "made" up to get more business. People really did not worry about this as much 1,000 years ago.
The best case in point is when you see the more or less "wonderful/perfect" life of those at church while at the same time not knowing what is fully occurring in their lives. We know a couple who are now both retired and serving a mission for the church. At meeting they appears to have everything going for them. Nice home, minimal financial issues, reasonably good health and the like. Few people know or knew that they have a son serving time in prison (most likely relating to drugs), and that his health is far worse then one would imagine. And other kids are not active in the church. On the surface they have it all. Underneath the covers is the other half of the story.
So do we have a "standard" of perfection that in many instances is near impossible to achieve? Take the "perfect" family with 1 boy, 1 girl a stay at home mom and dad with a wonderful job that affords them a house on a quite street with a nice white picket fence.
At least here in California that ideal is near impossible to achieve. To many have both spouses working just to make ends meet. Many families are 1 car families, and due to the cost of living to many families are opting for just one child. Sounds like the "real" normal to me.
So just because someone's family does not fit into your ideal for a family does not mean they are not normal? I love that word NORMAL. I can define what I want as normal and if you don't fit into it you are weird and dysfunctional. But, the next guy a couple of houses down might not find my normal to be his normal and thus the grand old debate.
In the end sadly to say if all the husbands on a given street beat their wives daily then that would be the "norm" and the one guy that does not could be considered dysfunctional or weird. Though, we all know that the more you become educated the more likely you will avoid these types of bad behaviors. And I'm not talking about simply becoming educated in the University/College sense of the word. I'm talking about an expanded mind, a less ignorant point of view, and wider horizons. This moves bigotry and the like to the back corner.
So I'd say I have a somewhat dysfunctional family in the fact that few of us talk on a regular basis even though most of us live with a few miles of one another. We doe get together for the main holidays like Christmas. Thanksgiving and Mother's Day. But, in no means do we communicate like you would expect a "normal" family.
I guess the love it not there......
I'm reminded of a subway art piece we acquire recently at a store. It has a black background and whit lettering of various styles - it is titled 'Family Rules'. This piece is neat as it includes about 20 different things to do around the home. Examples include - Give hugs frequently, say I'm sorry, listen to your parents, say I love you, etc and etc.
Out and about on the internet are a ton of these types of wall art.
I guess if you strive to follow what they have written on them you can have that "perfect", "normal" family that is not dysfunctional. And you might not have to go on anti-depressants to control your feelings as you fall short of that ideal in your head.
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Buaidh - NO - Bas
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